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Apple Store open in Boston, thousands die

Apple opened its latest store on Boylston Street in Boston last week causing a deadly chain of events. According to officials at CDC (Center for Disease Control) adding the Apple Store to the already over-preppied city of Boston was simply too much to bear. Boston Ahlderman Mahtin B. Lomasney pleaded with Apple, saying “Don’t they understand? We already had 7 Apple Store locations, connected to each other by a sidewalk. Why would they do this to us? Doesn’t Steve Jobs have a hahrt?” Since the opening of Boylston Apple Store, there has been over 2 thousand deaths related to over-preppiness health officials dubbed Preprocy.

Autopsies reveal that death occurs when the victim’s head explodes while exiting the Apple Store, leaving a bloody neck stump crowned by a popped collar. CDC has been trying to contain preprocy with very little success. Some has compared this epidemic to the crack-cocaine problem in the late 80s. Government officials are trying to combat the preprocy problem by restricting the purchase of products from Old Navy.

Boston mayor Thahmas M. Mahnino “The summah season is usually our worst time of yeahr for preprocy. During the hahrsh Boston wintah, the residents usually put away the Birkenstocks and the Capri pants. Howevah, we hahve seen recent trends of people wearing socks with their Birkenstocks.” If CDC is not successful in finding the monkey that caused this outbreak, President Bush hinted at destroying the city using cruise missiles, saying “We will turn their desert into a sheet of glass, and the Bostonians will have to return to the days when they ride their camels to work in their oasis”.

Tags: Apple, Boston, preppy

CBGB’s and John Varvatos

John Vravados is in the buildin’ !! Word up…with shiny pants et al.

April 17, 2008 marked the opening of the high profile clothing designers new store in the former location of New York’s legendary rock bar CBGB’s. The evening was a star studded event which featured Joan Jett, D Generation, Ian Hunter, and Slash to name a few, and was hosted by a guy from a radio station.

Other reasonably famous people like Matt Pinfield and Rene Mata (he is famous by the 6 degrees of separation rule) were there as well, rubbing elbows (and shoulders) with the glitterati, while outside a protest aka borderline riot was brewing with droves of stupid people who mistakenly blamed Varvatos as the cause for the demise of the Iconic rock bar.

A hot black haired chick attending the event, (wishing to remain anonymous since she gets lots of questionable texts from a guy already mentioned in this article, and also Johnny T publicly treated her like shit) said “I cant fucking believe all these fuckin’ losers think John V was responsible for CB’s closing! Don’t they realize that he only rents the space?? What a bunch of fucking idiots! He didn’t have to pay homage to CB’s at all, but he did because he is a music fan. They could have put a Star Bucks, or a bank in there, but now there is John Varvatos and his clothing line and a link to the past. They should be thanking the guy!! Oh well…”

VH1 was there, and no one is sure why since the concept of music television died a miserable death years ago. Nevertheless, they did stellar interviews with people like Tom Morello, who normally would have said something intelligent being a Yale graduate. But Tom, for whatever reason, foolishly decided to go down the bash path, and lambasted Varvatos after he got off playing on the mans stage!!! WTF??? BALLS!!!

Thank Dog there are a few people left with a bank account who have a sense of history and passion for music.

WOOF!

- Buster Boy

Tags: CBGB's, John Varvatos