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PopToast...the news as we see it.

Game Maker Nintendo To Release Wii Fat For Holidays

Fit or Fat is always the popular question when checking yourself in the mirror. Popular game maker Nintendo is setting up to corner both sides after releasing their blockbuster Wii Fit. Wii Fat promises to serve the traditional video game player with things more their speed combining Fun and Fatness.

Similar to Wii Fit, Wii Fat will offer several sub games to play such as the Full Moon Pie, the Chocolate Lunge and the Scale Tilt. Wii Fit offers the Half Moon, Deep Lunge, and the Table Tilt, respectively.

“We are looking to cater not only to the small market of homemakers looking to become MILFs by using their children’s toys, but also the average every day American fat-ass game player,” Shigeru Miyamoto was quoted as saying. Miyamoto, the father of fat little Italian plumber Mario, is the creator of Wii Fit and Wii Fat. “The game will feature a balance seat cushion in lieu of a balance board. No need for the eater to stand up.”

Special unlocked games include challenging Takeru Kobayashi to hot dog eating contests and also Sonya Thomas to eating Chicken McNuggets. Rumors also abound for special discount coupons to buy products from the Frito-Lay, Nabisco and McDonalds food lines that are only available from Wii Fat.

“We look forward to revenge for Nagasaki…I mean a very good holiday season,” Miyamoto closed. Wii Fat is scheduled to be released just in time for Thanksgiving to capture the true nature of the holidays; namely, eating.

http://www.efluxmedia.com/news_Wanting_A_Wii_Fit_Waiting_For_Restock_18063.html

Federal Prison Scores Windfall Profit

270 Illegal Immigrants formerly termed ‘illegal Aliens,’ a term now reserved for visiting life forms, have been sent to Federal prison in leu of rapid deportation. This move on the part of the Bush administration is an effort to bilk more money from tax payers to pay for the rising cost of Government, and vacation homes of key Government officials.

The convicted immigrants were among 389 workers detained at the Agriprocessors Inc. plant in nearby Postville in a raid that federal officials called the largest criminal enforcement operation ever carried out by immigration authorities at a workplace…. EVER!

Matt M. Dummermuth, the United States attorney for northern Iowa oversaw the prosecutions, and called the operation an “astonishing success.” Maybe due to the fact that the each prisoner incarcerated will cost in excess of 1 million dollars to handle, netting the prison approximately 250 million dollars after pay outs and under the table exchanges. Not bad for a day’s pay in the midwest.

Good going boys… keep up the good work! And, thanks for the additional taxes that will follow!!!

WooF!

- Buster

Apple Store open in Boston, thousands die

Apple opened its latest store on Boylston Street in Boston last week causing a deadly chain of events. According to officials at CDC (Center for Disease Control) adding the Apple Store to the already over-preppied city of Boston was simply too much to bear. Boston Ahlderman Mahtin B. Lomasney pleaded with Apple, saying “Don’t they understand? We already had 7 Apple Store locations, connected to each other by a sidewalk. Why would they do this to us? Doesn’t Steve Jobs have a hahrt?” Since the opening of Boylston Apple Store, there has been over 2 thousand deaths related to over-preppiness health officials dubbed Preprocy.

Autopsies reveal that death occurs when the victim’s head explodes while exiting the Apple Store, leaving a bloody neck stump crowned by a popped collar. CDC has been trying to contain preprocy with very little success. Some has compared this epidemic to the crack-cocaine problem in the late 80s. Government officials are trying to combat the preprocy problem by restricting the purchase of products from Old Navy.

Boston mayor Thahmas M. Mahnino “The summah season is usually our worst time of yeahr for preprocy. During the hahrsh Boston wintah, the residents usually put away the Birkenstocks and the Capri pants. Howevah, we hahve seen recent trends of people wearing socks with their Birkenstocks.” If CDC is not successful in finding the monkey that caused this outbreak, President Bush hinted at destroying the city using cruise missiles, saying “We will turn their desert into a sheet of glass, and the Bostonians will have to return to the days when they ride their camels to work in their oasis”.

Digging to start at Manson ranch

Investigators are set to begin digging Marilyn Manson’s ranch. Twenty CSI investigators will begin putting links from Manson’s website onto the popular social news site, digg.com. Kevin Rose, creator of digg.com, says that the site is prepared for the additional traffic and due to its neutral nature, he welcomes “any freaky posting, ’cause thats how I roll”.

Manson gained notoriety following his Mechanical Animals album cover when he showed off his rack, making millions of straight guys questions their sexuality. When asked why he chose to expose himself. Manson replied, “I used to strap them down, but now I feel that if God gave me boobies, I should be proud of them”.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/05/20/manson.ranch.ap/index.html

Supreme Court Upholds Child Pornography Law

Supreme Court Upholds Child Pornography …. Law

The 7-2 ruling rejected contentions that a 2003 Federal pornography law was written so vaguely as to violate the First Amendment. The law in question erected a sensible yet acceptable tact by Congress to correct faults dubiously found in a previous Child Porn law.

Justice Scalia cited earlier Supreme Court rulings and declared that the United States Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit had employed strong medicine too casually with the cases in hand.

Today’s decision in United States v. Williams reinstated the conviction of Michael Williams, caught in a federal undercover operation in April 2004 and found guilty later of “pandering” child pornography.

Go Team!!

- Busted

Woody Alien at Cannes

Woody Alien’s latest film captures an American Fantasy. A romantic encounter with 2 women. The scenario slips below the fantasy threshold when you add an Alien.

When asked, Alien told reporters it is ‘hard enough to get one person.’ What the hell does that mean? Get them to WHAT? Go for a ride on your space ship?

In most situations.. or shall we say close encounters of the third kind, ‘two tends to make it more complicated than one’ said Alien. Well put! One might surmise this a truth if you are human. But if you are ALIEN it is more likely problem solved.

Wonders never cease.

So, what do you do if you are Alien and want 2 young chicks for the price of one??? MAKE A MOVIE and tell the girls it’s gonna debut at Cannes!

Pure Genius, Pure Alien

Woofsome,

- Buster

Edwards, Obama, McCain, Clinton

I’d like to personally thank all the web bots, Obama, McCain, Clinton, Edwards, for lifting material from news dot poptoast dot com. There is nothing more heart warming than reading things we have written on someone else’s site. Ya’ll come back now, ya hear? WooF! ….Busta

PS… shout out to Obama, and Clinton

Edwards flips support to Obama

John Edwards, who departed the presidential race in January recently bestowed (aka sold) his support from 19 Super Delegates to Money Tycoon Barack Obama for an undisclosed figure.

The 19 Super Delegates were in shock when they realized that their support pledge was shrouded in a Key Man Clause. “Nothing can be done about it now, we are screwed.” Said one of the Delegates. “Chances are, we won’t get a taste either. Next election will be another story, if our great nation survives the next 4 years.”

Reps. James McDermott of Washington says “I believe now is the time to unite behind Barack Obama so we can be in the strongest place possible to win in November,”

Mr McDermott recently opened a bank account in Argentina.

WooF!

- Busta

California Supreme Court overturns ban on Gay Marriage

California aka Californication has overturned the ban on Gay marriage. This is a big step forward for same sex marriage and giant leap toward reducing over population.

Jeanie Rizzo one of the plaintiffs said “This is a very historic day.”

The challenge for gay rights advocates is far from over. “We will not stop until everyone is gay.” said a guy “and we also will not rest until the word ‘gay’ no longer refers to being happy.”

Outside the courthouse, gay marriage supporters cheered, kissed and exchanged phone numbers. There were no children present.

The Pope could not be reached for comment.

- BUsteR

Polar Bear Listed As Engangered, Kempthorne Count Now At One

For years, the melting of the polar ice caps has been a hot topic to debate when discussing what it really all means. This finally became evident this week when the Polar Bear was named a protected species by the United States Interior Secretary, Dirk Kempthorne.

Kempthorne has been the father of…well…one endangered species acceptance. In his tenure, he has been charged with having the worst Interior Secretary record since James “Trees are for Sissys” Watt in the 1980’s. True to form, this Interior Secretary was hand-selected by George W. Bush in 2006 after his former Interior Secretary was chased from office in the wake of the Jack Abramoff scandal.

When asked why the Polar Bear was chosen, Kempthorne was quick to remind people of his love for bears by pulling out some family photos of his hunting room. “See, this is an actual Polar Bear pelt rug. I love Polar Bear, but I really just love bears period. Look around that room…there’s at least 12 heads on the wall. My favorite is that little cub that I snuck up on and choked with piano wire.”

Environmentally, the Polar Bear was chosen as its current hunting ground continues to melt away until there will be no more areas for it to hunt. At that point, the Polar Bear will probably migrate south to Alabama where it will start to hunt and kill Christian babies…something surely near and dear to George Bush’s heart.

Bush made a brief statement: “Look. I understand the fear you all have. I don’t want no bears to come down to Texas and eat our children. I feel this act will help keep the bearrorists [bear terrorists] away from our homeland; make America more secure. I am, however, issuing a code orange alert on Polar Bears until we are able to extract more oil out of the Arctic. May the lord bless America, and keep us free from bears.”

At that moment, one member of the press (Stephen Colbert) openly wept and applauded.

http://www.kval.com/news/national/18944164.html