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FCC Backs Merger Between XM and Sirius

The long-running government review of the proposed merger of the nation’s two satellite radio companies took an important step forward on Monday when Kevin J. Martin, the head of the Federal Communications Commission, announced he would circulate a plan this week to approve the deal.

Commission officials and industry lawyers said they did not expect complete the deal before July, a year and a half after the two companies prematurely announced it.

After the Justice Department’s antitrust division approved the merger proposal last March, the widespread expectation was that the F.C.C. would also clear it.

Having one Satellite Radio could pave the way for other consolidations.

Next on the list of mergers is Religion, Political Parties, Television, and Printed media, and the automotive industry. Maybe, if we are lucky, we will have one God, one car, one TV station, and a King to run our nation proper.

I await with anticipation whilst looking for property in Italy.

WOOF!

Buster

Tags: Merger, Sirius, XM

1 Potato, 2 Potato, 3 Potato, Dead: Simplot Dies at 99

The potato and cloned cow world was stunned today when J.R. Simplot passed away at the age of 99 of natural causes. The man who started with three gold coins in his pocket after dropping out of school at age 14 became one of the richest men in the world and the first truly self-made Billionaire.

“I believe I speak for all cows cloned from my right hoof when I say that J.R. was a saint of a man,” said Clone Cow #41829. “Were it not for him, we all might not even exist. Except for Clone #41899 who is a little weird with only three hooves and a pig face.”

Simplot made his fortune by creating certified potato seed and harvesting “Idaho Famous Potatoes” back in the 1930’s to 1940’s. From there, he became a supplier of frozen potatoes and fries for the McDonalds Corporation where he brought happiness and starch to the masses around the world.

Oddly, those close to him claim that he tried his cloning techniques on himself and wonder if this death is of the real J.R. Simplot or a second or third version that he created of himself. In Tzurumútaro, Mexico there are rumors that a failed self-cloning event created the goat-blood-drinking chupacabra in the 1980’s, shortly after Simplot invested in Micron.

Hector Gomez, a resident of Tzurumútaro, was translated as saying, “Late at night, on the evening of my father’s birthday, we heard a terrible cry from our goat pen. When we went out, there was a strange creature with the body of a cow, the hands made of potatoes, and the face of an old man who was rich.”

Some nights, Gomez still hears the howls of the Simplot-cabra from outside his window with a deep fryer in the background sizzling his potato hands. Best to you, Mr. Simplot…if you are indeed dead.

http://www.forbes.com/facesinthenews/2008/05/26/simplot-micron-potato–face-markets-cx_mlm_0526autofacescan03.html

Tags: Billionaire, Clone, Death, J.R. Simplot, Mexico, Potato

Mars Spacecraft Lands, No Immediate Sign Of Total Recall Film

In what can only be a disappointment for NASA, the Spacecraft Phoenix landed on the surface of Mars today after a 10 month, 400 million mile journey and saw no remnants of Douglas Quaid or anything from the movie Total Recall.

Barry Goldstein, program manager for this Mars mission and obvious Jew was quoted as saying, “While it’s a great success that the spacecraft made it to the Martian surface, there were no immediate signs of an underground slum or air machines that would have kept people alive in such an underground environment. We are still hopeful to find, in deeper analysis of soil samples and arctic ice, Quato or Douglas Quaid. Also, I am a Jew. L’Chaim!”

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was quick to defend the mission. “It is true that part of the $65 million production cost of Total Recall involved flying us to Mars and making this underground city. I still cant believe that IMDB only ranks this Philip K. Dick story 57/100. Welcome to the party, Richter.”

Over the next weeks, soil samples will be collected by the Phoenix spacecraft and heated to 1800 degrees to perform spectrum-analysis of the soil samples for any signs of the building blocks of life, water that once was in liquid form, or anything left behind by Vilos Cohaagen.

“I am hopeful that this mission will find my missing 43 IMDB points,” the Governor of California mumbled before tearing off his shirt, flexing out his freakishly large body and running off with his masculine looking wife.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5j1hvRUNc9W-3lupLU6TLQtR0gdRAD90T05G00

Tags: Mars, Schwarzenegger, Spacecraft, Total Recall

Federal Prison Scores Windfall Profit

270 Illegal Immigrants formerly termed ‘illegal Aliens,’ a term now reserved for visiting life forms, have been sent to Federal prison in leu of rapid deportation. This move on the part of the Bush administration is an effort to bilk more money from tax payers to pay for the rising cost of Government, and vacation homes of key Government officials.

The convicted immigrants were among 389 workers detained at the Agriprocessors Inc. plant in nearby Postville in a raid that federal officials called the largest criminal enforcement operation ever carried out by immigration authorities at a workplace…. EVER!

Matt M. Dummermuth, the United States attorney for northern Iowa oversaw the prosecutions, and called the operation an “astonishing success.” Maybe due to the fact that the each prisoner incarcerated will cost in excess of 1 million dollars to handle, netting the prison approximately 250 million dollars after pay outs and under the table exchanges. Not bad for a day’s pay in the midwest.

Good going boys… keep up the good work! And, thanks for the additional taxes that will follow!!!

WooF!

- Buster

Tags: Add new tag, Federal Prison, Illegal Immigrants, Profit

T. Boone Pickens Says Oil Will Reach $150 Per Barrel

T. Boone Pickens is to the oil market what Oprah is to…well…everything else. Tonight, on Glenn Beck (aka Mr. “I Look Like A Liberal But Am A Total Conservative Kissass”) Pickens predicted that by the end of 2008, oil prices could soar to an amazing $150 per barrel.

“Look, I’m not going to say we’ll end the year at $150, but we’ll see it by the end of the year,” Pickens said.

Beck then removed one hand from masturbating under the table and dialed his stockbroker, buying oil futures.

See, the problem is not that Pickens said it’s going to happen; its the problem of lemmings. Unlike when Mr. Pickens predicted $85 per barrel oil and was laughed at, now people listen. They speculate based on his word, creating a frenzied buying spree of oil futures. A self fulfilling prophecy in the making, and you’ll be sure to pay at the pump…to the tune of $4.50 per gallon according to him.

The chairman of the board for BP Capital went on to suggest something outlandish: becoming energy independent. How novel…an oil man (he prefers that) suggesting going off oil. Incredible. Maybe we’re running the wrong guy for president here.

Tags: Crude Oil, Gas Prices, Honest Man, Oil, Pickens

Apple Store open in Boston, thousands die

Apple opened its latest store on Boylston Street in Boston last week causing a deadly chain of events. According to officials at CDC (Center for Disease Control) adding the Apple Store to the already over-preppied city of Boston was simply too much to bear. Boston Ahlderman Mahtin B. Lomasney pleaded with Apple, saying “Don’t they understand? We already had 7 Apple Store locations, connected to each other by a sidewalk. Why would they do this to us? Doesn’t Steve Jobs have a hahrt?” Since the opening of Boylston Apple Store, there has been over 2 thousand deaths related to over-preppiness health officials dubbed Preprocy.

Autopsies reveal that death occurs when the victim’s head explodes while exiting the Apple Store, leaving a bloody neck stump crowned by a popped collar. CDC has been trying to contain preprocy with very little success. Some has compared this epidemic to the crack-cocaine problem in the late 80s. Government officials are trying to combat the preprocy problem by restricting the purchase of products from Old Navy.

Boston mayor Thahmas M. Mahnino “The summah season is usually our worst time of yeahr for preprocy. During the hahrsh Boston wintah, the residents usually put away the Birkenstocks and the Capri pants. Howevah, we hahve seen recent trends of people wearing socks with their Birkenstocks.” If CDC is not successful in finding the monkey that caused this outbreak, President Bush hinted at destroying the city using cruise missiles, saying “We will turn their desert into a sheet of glass, and the Bostonians will have to return to the days when they ride their camels to work in their oasis”.

Tags: Apple, Boston, preppy

Supreme Court Upholds Child Pornography Law

Supreme Court Upholds Child Pornography …. Law

The 7-2 ruling rejected contentions that a 2003 Federal pornography law was written so vaguely as to violate the First Amendment. The law in question erected a sensible yet acceptable tact by Congress to correct faults dubiously found in a previous Child Porn law.

Justice Scalia cited earlier Supreme Court rulings and declared that the United States Court of Appeals for the 11th Circuit had employed strong medicine too casually with the cases in hand.

Today’s decision in United States v. Williams reinstated the conviction of Michael Williams, caught in a federal undercover operation in April 2004 and found guilty later of “pandering” child pornography.

Go Team!!

- Busted

Tags: Child Pornography, Supreme Court