Apple Store open in Boston, thousands die
Apple opened its latest store on Boylston Street in Boston last week causing a deadly chain of events. According to officials at CDC (Center for Disease Control) adding the Apple Store to the already over-preppied city of Boston was simply too much to bear. Boston Ahlderman Mahtin B. Lomasney pleaded with Apple, saying “Don’t they understand? We already had 7 Apple Store locations, connected to each other by a sidewalk. Why would they do this to us? Doesn’t Steve Jobs have a hahrt?” Since the opening of Boylston Apple Store, there has been over 2 thousand deaths related to over-preppiness health officials dubbed Preprocy.
Autopsies reveal that death occurs when the victim’s head explodes while exiting the Apple Store, leaving a bloody neck stump crowned by a popped collar. CDC has been trying to contain preprocy with very little success. Some has compared this epidemic to the crack-cocaine problem in the late 80s. Government officials are trying to combat the preprocy problem by restricting the purchase of products from Old Navy.
Boston mayor Thahmas M. Mahnino “The summah season is usually our worst time of yeahr for preprocy. During the hahrsh Boston wintah, the residents usually put away the Birkenstocks and the Capri pants. Howevah, we hahve seen recent trends of people wearing socks with their Birkenstocks.” If CDC is not successful in finding the monkey that caused this outbreak, President Bush hinted at destroying the city using cruise missiles, saying “We will turn their desert into a sheet of glass, and the Bostonians will have to return to the days when they ride their camels to work in their oasis”.
Tags: Apple, Boston, preppy